I Got The Vaccine at Gumdrop Pharmacy in Unicorn City

What you should know

Obviously we are in a weird between area right now, with some people in some parts of the country able to get the Covid-19 vaccine, and others not. So as someone who was eligible to get the vaccine- specifically in Unicorn City, the land of rainbows and dreams that lies just on the other side of believing- I would like to relate my experience so that those who are still waiting know what to expect!

I know some people have had a crazy time trying to obtain appointments from decentralized, disorganized systems in their area, but the Unicorn City website is great. It takes your location and conditions and outputs a master list of places where you can get only the “good” vaccines and not the one everyone doesn’t want. And the first of numerous locations with open appointments that are all near you is guaranteed to come through!

For me it was Gumdrop Pharmacy, staffed by jolly elves who all smell like fresh baked cookies and coincidentally are constantly baking cookies that are free for everyone waiting for their appointment, which is no one because the second you get there you get to go in. So you get issued more cookies than you can handle and just have to wait until you get home to eat them, at which time they are still warm and soft.

The elves schedule your second appointment as soon as you come in, in addition to scheduling the moment you find true love (soon!) and one dozen (12) amazing orgasms that neither require you to have a second person present or put in any effort or go find where a sex toy is. Also, the second appointment is just to vent about people in your life who irritate you.

The elves know that everyone who comes in is pretty stressed out, so they work quickly to relax you, by giving you a Universal Income pegged to the cost of living in your zip code. And, needless to say, you get a free PS6. I want to be clear that this is not a typo, the elves heard that the 5 is in short supply so they just jumped right to its successor, which is made of aromatic pine wood but plays all the games that the PS6 will have and is also backwards compatible with the 5’s games.

The vaccine is actually issued by means of gentle kisses on your choice of cheeks. I know that the…

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