When You Love Someone

Some people who know me so well assume that I am a tsundere. It is a Japanese term for someone who initially cold and sometimes even hostile before gradually showing a warmer, friendlier side over time (wikipedia terminology). I do not know it is true or not, may be you have to proof alone when you meet me or til we are friends. About my friends’ assumption, I guess it because I do not believe in love at all — I think love at the first sight sounds fool thing and fake in reality, or I do not believe in “Cinderella” love stories or “a happily ever after”-ending stories, or I also do not believe that there is a boy will write 365 letters or will make a hundred bird origami papers for a girl he love. In another word, I truly do not believe about romantic love stories and also do not believe about a perfect-sweety-cheesy love. It sounds my heart’s so hard, right? Hahaha. But, I have some reasons why I ignore a romantic rhapsody on love.

First, is it true you love someone because of her/his eyes only? Or just because you hear his/her voice you fall in love? I guess, just in Laskar Pelangi, there is a flowery fingers scene, when Ikal saw A Ling’s beautiful fingers, he fell in love to A Ling. But, it’s just a movie. You only watch the whole story for two hours while we live in a real world for 60 years and need many more time than two hours to make our own entire stories. When you like someone’s body part, you just like this part. Love is more than eyes, voices, fingers, and so on and so on. I’m seventeen when I fell in love to my classmate for the first time. Until I went to collage, I assume it was a love, first love. I liked my classmate because he was my rival when I was at the last year in high school. It was interesting when I competed with a proper boy, in several games or in building-finding knowledge. But, I realized it might not a love. I just enjoyed some “competition” with him. It was so weird yap, when you love someone, you love to compete only with him/her. One more reason why my first love might not a love is because it was unspoken love. I enjoyed that feeling alone and my classmate never knew about my feeling. Did it refer to unrequited love? Might be…

I do not believe in “a happily ever after” absolute stories because I know that lives so up and down. While I’m alive, nothing is over. Just because today was good, my life is not over. Just because today was bad, my life is not over either. Good things and bad things, they all go away. Similarly, life and love both aren’t about good and bad things only. In love, not just about the good parts, even the parts you hate, sometimes they are combination of tastes. Yaps, that’s love. I already found my half of heart — may Allah blessed us and make a good destiny for us — at my thirty. It is my first experience to know love in a closer perspective. It’s hard for me — especially as a beginner lover — to wrap my mind around what love really means, and till today, I never believe I am who claimed we were “in love.”

My man and I are as opposite as opposite gets. I am a free spirit, sometimes always believe on a good things and positive things will bring me on a good destiny, but I am a shy girl and sometimes overthinking on everything. He’s a “rare creature”; leaving his hometown to achieve something that is his passion; archivist and writer. He is a stubborn, popular, liberal, down to earth boy, but sometimes he has complicated minds on good and bad things. He has a pride, that is in his authority and no one — even I — cannot enter without his permit. The main things I love from himself are honesty, love to read books a lot, and he also has an overwhelming-heart, he is a warm person inside. His heart remains me to my father’s.

When we confessed our feeling each other, I still doubted my feeling. Was it love? After three months on our relationship, we realized, might be yaps, we fell in love each other. Many good things happened. I felt happy and happy to have him beside me. He never changed me into another girl — a sweeter or a smarter than before. I stood on myself, and so did him. We never pushed each other to changed to be another else. After three months, I wanted no one else’s hand in my hand but his. One month later, I realized that we are different. Our views, experience of lives, the way of lives, family backgrounds, and also values that we believed. I am a serious and mellow one, meanwhile he is a bohemian with unspoken attention and untold love. He is a truly tsundere for me. The differences started to change us. We never press each other to change our daily habit even tough our quirks. However, we change to be tolerant with our own special-odd-unique characters, make a deal to accept some differences, and we learn to being respect each other. It was hard times, but I had to pass it and stay holding on his arms even tough I still learn to overcome those… :)

In my recent days with him, by time goes, I know more about managing conflict in our relationship. We are two different poles who possessed the traits that each other never had. Sometimes we are just Venus and Mars who proceed a same step to a great plan in the future. We fought, sometimes. We have irritated and knocked each other down — accidentally. We injured because of us each other but we attempted to dose our hurt together. Yet, we never want to give up on our weakness and still hold our hand to face the challenges on our relationship.

It is too fast when I say we are an ideals couple. Nope. We aren’t. We are just two different humans with the same love. Yet, we also realize we have to prove how strong love can really be in every situation we face it. In good times, for bad times, in every single moment, is our heart able to love another heart? We still attempt. We still learn.

So, when you love someone, you might never find ideal things only. Your partner might be not a hero that you imagined. He/she never be your hero. But, both of you can be hero for each other. Why? Because you are a mixture of bad and good one, a good combination of an angle soul and dickens sometimes. And your partner either does. Your love has several strengths and also many weaknesses. So do you, right? In my experience in building a relationship with someone I love — as a new beginner lover of course, as long as we believe on each other, as long as we possess unconditional love for each other, as long as we learn to be better one, we always find several reasons and ways to strive TOGETHER and step forward to achieve our goals. Yaps, together. It never works when you step alone, or just rely on your partner to be a single fighter. In your relationship, you both there. So, fight both, attempt together.

*) A simply note for SB and I, to reread when we started to be “bored” each other and have to strive together someday.

Salemba, Jakarta | 30th July 2018

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